"Jelly" 101

by Jamie Tan

University of California, Berkeley

College of Peanut Butter & Jelly

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(JK, this post is actually written by my BfFfFFf Christina Nguyen from UCI. I'm just taking credit for it cause this is my blog and I can.)

Jelly is short for the word JEALOUS but with multiple beezy connotations. People who say they are jealous are ACTUALLY jealous and wear their emotions on their sleeves, making them look like they are naturally insecure and have problems which is totally not acceptable if you are a beezy. Therefore, it is better to say "jelly" to make it sound like you're not THAT jealous when really, the truth is that you're secretly seething with envy inside. Furthermore, the word "jelly" can be inserted into phrases that make it appear (because appearances are SO important) that you are joking but not really.

Example: "Wow, I am eating a peanut butter and JELLY sandwich right now."

Usually this phrase can be found beneath another beezy's facebook profile picture such as this one:

(Yes, that is Xtina in the hat and that is me in the red coat. Of course I was not really exhibiting envy, it was all for the purposes of this blog....even though this was taken a year before this blog was created. - Jamie)

Or a look-at-me-I-had-so-much-fun-traveling facebook album such as Julie's "Hawaii" album.

To many people, it would appear that you are making a simple statement about food, but a true beezy will be able to pick up on the underlying meaning that you are in fact being force fed scoops of insecurity and jealousy by another beezy. If the reader of your comment is gifted with beezy intuition, he/she/beezy will realize that you are passively challenging their beeziness, in which case they will most likely respond with the following comment:

"Good, I hope your peanut butter and jelly sandwich tastes amazing!"

Be careful! They do not really think you are eating a sandwich, nor do they believe that your sandwich tastes good. They are openly mocking the fact that their beeziness surpasses yours, and their true intention is to rub it in your face but in a way that frees them from being called out as a bad friend. At this point, you either fold and count your losses or continue by putting up a better facebook profile picture than theirs until one or both of you verbally begin attacking the other person through text message or gchat. Whoever initiates the non-passive aggressive onslaught of beeziness first loses.

Side note: All uses of the word "jelly" must be done via internet to enhance the double meanings and passive aggressiveness. If you were to say the phrase "I am eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich" in person, you are automatically a loser because 1. you CLEARLY are not eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and 2. you are not being passive in any way, which defeats the purpose for using the word "jelly" all together.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact the O.B. (Original Beezy) aka ME at any time ;)